In the previous articles in this series on negotiation we have discussed how to plan and prepare for meetings and how to manage meetings within the context of the principles of balanced negotiation.

To recap, the objective of balanced negotiation is to achieve a win-win. Win-wins are agreements that all involved parties are comfortable with and are committed to. So two negotiation parties, both working to these principles will be considered, factual, understand the positions and interests of each other and arrive at agreements via discussion and agreement. This is fine, but what about the real world..?

What if the other side will not play?

Not everybody understands the principles of balanced negotiation; some people believe that the way to "win" is to behave aggressively, make demands and use all the leverage they have to force an agreement. Can balanced negotiation still work? The implications of "no" to that question are quite serious as it means that, either agreements will not be reached, or that the agreements that are made are one sided and therefore unlikely to work.

Below are some tips to help you manage meetings with "difficult negotiators" by continuing to apply the principles of balanced negotiation.

The list of grievances

This is where the other party start the meeting by stating all of the things that have gone wrong within the current agreement or business relationship. They are blaming you and are implying that because they are not happy, getting them to reach a new agreement with you will be hard.

This approach is designed to undermine your confidence and to lower your sights as to what you can negotiate for. The solution?

• Acknowledge that if there are issues they need to be addressed
• Suggest that you handle these first before getting into the negotiation meeting
• So your strategy is to separate the issues from negotiation
• Their ploy is to muddy the waters of the negotiation by combining what are two different agendas

The hit list

The other party start the meeting by listing out their demands, making it clear that for an agreement to be reached you must concede on all of their points. Their objective is to win with no consideration of your position, interests and constraints. The solution?

• Accept the list as the basis of an agenda for the meeting
• Suggest that you now list the points that you would like to discuss
• When you have the combined "your list/ their list" you can agree how to sequence and match the topics for discussion

Final demands

If you have followed the recommended meeting structure all of the negotiation issues will have been agreed at the start of the meeting. This means that you have the full picture before agreeing to specific points. The final demand is introduced towards the end of the meeting and is usually designed to wrong foot you into agreeing as you are eager to finish the meeting. Often labeled as a minor point - beware, it probably represents quite a cost if you were to agree! The solution?

• State that you are surprised that this issue has been raised at this late stage
• Agree to discuss, but point out that some of the points that you have already agreed to may need to be re-visited, as this issue may have implications for the whole agreement

The deliberate misunderstanding

The other party plays back what you have agreed to, but the playback is different to what you understood had been agreed. Usually the playback represents a bigger concession than the actual concession. The solution?

• Listen carefully to any playback and question your understanding
• Make notes as to what has been agreed at each point, and summarize what has been agreed before moving on. This enables you to refer to your notes and to challenge the other party.

The above are just a few of the "tactics" used by negotiators who want to win at all costs - to you! There is a saying that "behaviour breeds behaviour". Stay with your approach, influence them to adopt a similar stance.

In summary - control your emotions, focus on the facts, separate out the people from the issues and continue to apply the principles of balanced negotiation.